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READING ROOM CATEGORIES

Anal Sex: The Final Frontier

Sex Toy Timeline

WHAT'S NEW

February 7, 2006
Today marks the official Canadian launch of OzoneToys.com! More

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"The business of pleasure indeed. We truly thank you guys for spicing up our private life!"
-- Charles & Renota A., Arlington, TX

READING ROOM

The Ozone Reading Room is our small-but-growing library of all things sexual. We've started things off with a couple of tongue in cheek edutainment pieces on the fine art of anal sex and a brief history of sex toys. We plan to fill this area with more spicy and irreverent advice, opinions, articles and reviews as fast as we possibly can. You too, gentle reader, can play a part in the growth of the Ozone reading room. If you've got something to say and a knack for saying it, by all means send it in! If we like it, we'll post it. For your efforts, you'll receive a by-line and the knowledge that you're part of one of the coolest sex toy sites in the biz!

SEX TOY TIMELINE

Many people assume that Asia is the birthplace of our modern-day sex toys. While it's true that they cornered the market on Ben Wa balls, cock rings and those naughty-but-impossible Kama Sutra positions well over two thousand years ago, you'd be surprised where - and when - our fascination with our bodies and the enhancement of the sexual experience began. In fact, the moment our ancestors figured out some of the basics such as creating fire and not being impaled by stampeding mastodons, their thoughts strayed to Precambrian prurience.

Consider for a moment that how you came to be on this planet may very well have been helped along somewhere down the line. From Ugtor the Unshorn carving an image of his dream fatty out of pumice to great-great-grandma taking her steam-powered er - personal massager - for a spin around her Victorian sitting room, toys have greased the wheels of human sexuality for countless generations.

We invite you to turn back the hands of sexual time with the Ozone Timeline of Toys. You're sure to marvel at our resourcefulness as a species when it comes to maximizing the big O.

25,000 B.C. Early man fashioned nude, crude and overly ample sculptures out of stone, and included such sought-after features as oversized breasts, childbearing hips, swollen labia and bountiful junk in the trunk. Fertility idols or our first stab at porn? You be the judge.

2,500 B.C. When Howard Carter first descended into Tutankhamen's tomb, imagine his Patrician stupefaction upon discovering countless depictions of naked female dancers supporting massive, erect schlongs in honour of Osiris. Must have made for some interesting talk with his mates at high tea. Flimshaw!

500 B.C. Phoney phalluses were the flavour of the day in ancient Greece, where one could purchase a suggestively shaped olisbos for a nominal sum. Fashioned from wood, leather, or in many cases stone, these heavy-but-handy devices warmed the nether regions of many a Grecian gal. Coincidentally, kitchens in the area reported chronic shortages of olive oil during this time.

300 A.D. Contrary to what you may have been told, size has apparently always mattered. Dating as far back as the Kama Sutra, prosthetic penis attachments have been in circulation. Designed to fit over one's erection and enhance its appearance, early member extenders were made from wood, leather, buffalo horn, copper silver, ivory, and yes, even gold.

500 A.D. As lovely to behold as they are functional, Ben Wa balls rolled off the ancient Chinese production lines a couple thousand years ago. Originally sold as a single ball to enhance a man's pleasure (typical) during intercourse, the demographic was widened to include women, and the balls were paired up to clang together and emit vibrations when inserted into the vaginas of lucky Geisha gals across the continent. This new golden happiness from the benevolent Ben Wa somewhat compensated for the whole foot-binding thing.

600 A.D. Arguably the inventor of the modern-day love nest, horny Queen Wu Chao had wall-to-wall-to-wall mirrors installed in the palace bedroom to spice up the royal boudoir. Hubby would later draw the line at shag carpeting.

1200 Someone was bound to figure out that a severed goat's eyelid, eyelashes and all, prolonged and enhanced sexual intercourse for both partners when placed onto the base of one's erection. The dubious distinction of inventing the earliest - and eeriest - cock ring goes to China.

1400 True to its name, the Renaissance breathed new life into the counterfeit wang. The early Italian dildo derived its namesake from the Latin dilatare (to open wide) and/or the Italian diletto (to delight), and was lovingly crafted from wood or leather. Once again, olive oil was used for more than dipping bread into.

1600 The expiry date and ewww factor of the goat's-eye cock ring prompted the Chinese to develop a more refined prototype. Designed to prolong Wang Hung's erection and apply gentle pressure on Li Ming's clitoris during intercourse, beautiful ivory cock rings were fashioned in all shapes and sizes, and invariably featured ornately carved mythical themes. Crouching Suitor, Hidden Dragon was a popular selling design.

1791 Ever wonder about the origins of S&M? This particularly spicy flavour of sex play originated in Europe, where brothels specializing in meting out kinky drubbings to naughty patrons spread faster than the bubonic plague. The term itself stems from quintessentially twisted top Marquis de Sade (Sadism) and the perverted-yet passive bottom Leopold von Sacher-Masoch (Masochism), two writers with polar but equally sensational sexual philosophies.

1844 A boon to zeppelin captains, velocipede drivers and horny citizens around the globe, vulcanized rubber was invented by Chuck 'Funboy' Goodyear. This milestone of the industrial heyday spawned stronger condoms, safer dildos and a wider array of sexual aides.

1869 Its cast iron flywheel glistening with linseed oil and its condenser belching steam like a stallion in heat, the world's first vibrator spelled sexy fun for any dainty young lady with the constitution to climb on board. Weighing in at a sleek 260 pounds, this mechanical wonder was recruited to help Victorian doctors battle the growing epidemic of 'female hysteria'. Symptoms included anxiety, sexual fantasies and excessive coochie lubrication, and the prescribed treatment of the time was this ¼ horsepower steam driven piston of pleasure.

1882 More portable and less prone to mangling the user in a drive belt, the electromechanical vibrator replaced its steam-driven counterpart. It too was recruited to treat the loathsome epidemic of female hysteria (read: horniness), but was battery powered and featured multiple attachments and variable speeds.

1890 At the dawn of the motion picture era, bowler-clad scoundrels around the globe began filming ample young Betty Boops in various stages of undress. Many of these early epics featured brave starlets valiantly attempting to rid themselves of hysteria by any means possible.

1899 Finally, a home cure for female hysteria enters the market. The Vibratile's recommended uses as a treatment for wrinkles, headache and muscle soreness ran the gamut of the mundane, but its ergonomics left little to the imagination.

1910 Home vibrators abound! Respectable publications such as Home Needlework Journal and the Sears & Roebuck Catalogue begin plugging these plug-in ladies' companions en masse with taglines like 'All the pleasure of youth will throb inside you' and 'An aid every woman appreciates'. Indeed.

1920 Inhibition-free flappers across North America began showing their wares onstage to the moustache-tingling delight of the dapper lotharios in the audience. Although their salacious bits were strategically covered with pasties, fans and feather boas, the lasses' strip-tease antics seldom failed to delight.

1927 KY Jelly slipped onto the market under the radar of the prurience police as a pelvic exam lubricant. It wasn't until the 80's that KY's properties as a sexual lubricant were touted.

1930 Self-deputized guardians of virtue began the pleasure prohibition movement when it was publicly exposed that - gasp - vibrators were being used for more than the perfunctory administration of neck massages. A dame's best friend disappeared from the mainstream marketplace faster than you could smash a barrel of bootleg KY jelly.

1930 Lighter, softer and less likely to leave skid marks than vulcanized rubber, the introduction of latex revolutionized the production of condoms and diaphragms. Cooler sex toys and freakier fetishes would follow in later decades.

1948 The Polaroid Land Camera enabled budding amateur pornographers to capture the money shot and see the results in only one minute, rather than furtively picking up their exposures days later under the hairy eyeball of the Photo-mart shop girl.

1953 From out of Hef's basement and onto newsstands across America, Playboy became the world's first nudie mag. Outrage-inducing at the time yet tame compared to today's 'Bum Biters' and 'Spunky Nuns Monthly', Playboy is still the world's best selling men's magazine.

1970 Home video cameras appeared on the scene, instantly turning droves of polyester-shirted hep cats into would-be Johnny Wadds. Velvet bullfighter paintings and fake oak paneling featured prominently in amateur shoots of the day.

1998 The previously unknown Rabbit vibrator appeared on an episode of hit show Sex and the City, firmly jamming this multi-pronged wonder wand through the sales roof and into the vaginas of millions.