Regardless of our leanings, anal sex intrigues most, and compels a good many. Just venture through the swinging saloon doors at the back of your local movie hut and grab a few random titles off the shelf. Let's see... Lord of the Rims, Cum on Aileen and Riding Miss Daisy. Obligatory lesbian shower scene? Check. Money shot? Check, check, check. Anal sex? Check! If the lion's share of porn flicks feature backdoor action, it can only mean one thing: people who consume porn (i.e., all of us) enjoy seeing the odd anal scene. But here's the rub: have you ever actually done it?

Johnny Wadd and the gang make butt play look all fun and easy on the silver screen. And woo doggie, it most certainly can be! But, and this is a big but (pun intended), you really should take some tips from the pros prior to taking a stab at this one, for the sake of everyone involved. Much like dining on the delicious-but-deadly Pugu fish, anal sex will either result in a highly enjoyable, or a one-time-only experience -- and hinges largely on preparation. After untold hours of frame-by-frame video analysis and a great deal of hands-on research, I am uniquely equipped to prep you, gentle reader, for your first safe, successful, and enjoyable foray into the dark and delicious art of anal sex.

The anus, or chocolate starfish as it is technically known, is teeming with ultra-sensitive nerve endings, and can be a significant but oft overlooked source of pleasure. Or pain. Which is why it is vital that you communicate with your partner before - and during - any backdoor action. Let your partner know what you're doing and when you're gonna do it. Sexually speaking, some surprises can be good. Blindfold? Yes. Whipped cream? Ooh yeah. An erect penis jammed unceremoniously up your rectum? Perhaps not so much. Go slow, be gentle, and have some pre-discussed ground rules at the ready. Some couples agree on a 'safe word' beforehand, which effectively stops the action if uttered.

Get things rolling with a nice, hot bath or shower that relaxes you both and creates a sensuous mood. A long, deep massage of your partner (the recipient) might be in order, paying particular attention to the buttocks and gradually working your magic closer to the anus. Take a little time to get your partner sexually aroused... the payoff will be worth it.

Kissing and licking your partner's anus is a great follow-up to a nice, sensuous massage. Try slow, rhythmic circles, or darting your tongue in and around. Think cunnilingus without the depth. Dental dams (thin latex sheets) can certainly be used, but if you're overly weirded out at the thought of licking your partner's bum, then skipping this step altogether will probably appear less awkward and more romantic.

If all is going well, take a well-lubed finger (actual lube is preferable to saliva) and slip it inside - just a bit - and then slowly remove. If you feel your partner's anus 'clutching up', just stop, encourage them to relax, and continue to remove your finger. Try this a few times, alternating between fingers and tongue (for those so inclined), and then graduate to two fingers. Try using one finger from each hand so you can gently pull outward on the anus to help it relax.

If things are going well, I recommend slowly inserting a vibrating butt plug (small, probably). These plugs have a flared base to stop the plug from slipping inside (imagine that trip to emerg) and are designed specifically for, well, plugging the butt. Regular vaginal vibrators and most root vegetables are not advised. Use a lot of water-based lube and gently play around the anal opening, slowly increase the pressure and carefully insert the plug. If you've done everything right you shouldn't have any problem slipping it in or sliding it out, and the vibrations from the plug will help relax your partner.

TIP: Try regular intercourse with the plug inserted! It gives your partner a wonderful feeling of fullness and tightness, and helps increase the power of her orgasm as all the nerve endings are tightly stretched and stimulated.

You may not want to actually engage in full-blown anal sex the first time you two have safely ventured this far, but if you do, try the spooning method. Lay beside your partner with her back to you, strap on a condom, and apply firm but gently pressure with your penis at the entrance. It's harder to find and enter than a vagina, but trust me, it's there. Allow the opening to relax and let you in, resisting the urge to stab violently at your partner's rectum with your throbbing phallus. Gently start moving in and out. Try to take your friction on the outstroke, don't go too deep, and above all, listen to your partner. And remember: exit your partner as gingerly as you entered.

Communication, preparation, lube, and above all, trust, will make all the difference between the mutual enjoyment of a formerly taboo sexual delicacy and sleeping in the bathtub to the sounds of profanity-laced damnation.

Good luck, anal newbies. And remember:

• Communicate
• Relax
• Lube, lube, lube (water based). Some contain analgesics to help desensitize the anal area.
• Wrap up your willy
• Easy does it